Pin Cushions and Poop Colors

In an earlier post (2/2) about hot stone massage, I described various forms of pain and humiliation endured by yours truly since taking on the Mile Challenge. About a month later (3/1), I wrote about overcoming a running slump by taking my mile lumps in the morning. That was a mistake. Basking in personal pride proved to be too much temptation for the fate of lazy; I didn’t run again for three weeks. Damn.

So I’ve started up again. Luckily my legs seem to have retained earlier conditioning and I can walk--not limp--just fine. However, I have been experiencing killer headaches and neck stiffness. In addition to trying to train myself to loosen up my upper body while running (suggestions welcome), I thought, “Hey, an excuse to try a new recovery splurge!” Next up: electroacupuncture.

Long story short, electroacupunture means someone sticks needles in you and sends electrical currents into your tissues. (There are also a bunch of other Eastern medicine components that I don’t really understand but you can read about here.) Depending on the level of skill and experience of the practitioner, this could be heaven or torture, so I was a little nervous going into it…. and from the aromatherapy candles, tabletop waterfall and ambient music in her waiting room, I gather I’m not the only one.

The session begins with a preliminary assessment. You can keep your clothes on for this—it’s mostly chatting. Where is the pain, what is your lifestyle like, and most importantly, how will you be paying me? Then it gets a little personal, which doesn’t bother me but I know other people who most certainly would be bothered, so if you ever consider trying this, be prepared. These are questions like, “what color is your feces?” and “how many time in a week do you orgasm?” She also did a physical once-over, paying particular attention to my tongue, and determined that I’m more yang than yin. Remind me to look up what that means later.

Next I’m in a gown and laying face-down on a leather table with a face hole—much like a massage table, only with an electrostimulator attached to it. My practitioner tapped the points on my back, neck and shoulders where she would be inserting needles, gently pinched my skin and voila, I’m a pin cushion. I didn’t feel a thing. No pricks, no pains. Then she attached wires to the ends of the needles, turned a few dials, and I was an electrified pin cushion. That felt just like her tapping on my back as she’d done earlier, only a little harder and at all the points at the same. Then she left.

Now in the spirit of informative blogging, when I was alone I tried to see what was going on. Word to the wise: don’t. There were no mirrors or reflective surfaces in the room so I craned my neck to catch a glimpse, and it fucking (can I say fucking?) killed! The needles in my neck turned into searing little bastards (can I say bastards?) and I gasped, turned my head back around and apologized out loud to I-don’t-know-who… the electrostimulator? The needles? God? At any rate, if you want to see yourself with needles sticking out of your back, bring a hand mirror.

After a bit I started to relax… really relax. My back became very warm and I couldn’t feel where the needles were anymore. It just felt like my whole body was pulsating. Awhile later (there are also no clocks so I’m not sure how long it was exactly) the practitioner came in, removed the needles and told me to stay on the table for a few minutes until I “felt steady.” I didn’t understand that until I stood up. (Tip 3: Don’t wear heals.)

It’s been three days and I have run twice. I’m still struggling to not stiffen my shoulders on the treadmill, but so far I’m living large and headache-free. Did the electroacupunture have anything to do with it? Hell if I know. The research supporting and refuting the medical benefits of acupuncture as it relates to muscular tissue and pain is all over the place, but despite looming work deadlines and a less-rehabbed/more-regretted home renovation project, I’m feeling pretty darn chill.

It could be from the running.

Organized Anti-

So I was speaking with my friend Liz the other night. Liz, who will be a Challenge participant, for some reason thinks that I'm rather charity minded. I'm not so sure this is true but I guess I shouldn't try to deny what could be deemed as a compliment.

So, as I was saying, I was speaking to Liz the other night and while discussing the Challenge she asked if I was doing this for charity or anything like that. Up to that point, I hadn't really thought about it but I suppose it wouldn't be a horrible idea. Instead of doing this just to be stupid why not do it for a reason? But then what charity?  And how?  Just donate myself, collect donations from others, start some sort of campaign? Oh, so many decisions! But maybe I'll figure something out.

Then Liz mentioned that there is also an anti-charity option. I wasn't following her crazy talk.  My first comment was, "Who hates charities?"  Well as it turns out, after only a few more lines of instant messaging we established quite a list of non-profits, causes and events that we hate.  I won't get into them as everyone can come up with who/what they hate on their own I'm quite sure.  But how does one get involved in something at an anti- angle?  Liz tips me off that there is a web site to organize your hatred and spur you on to victory in this or any other challenge called stickK.

In short, it works like this.  You go to stickK.com, choose a cause or organization you hate, put the details of your task/challenge/resolution/new leaf and give a form of payment. If you don't meet your goal your money goes to your hated entity.  So our plan here is to run a mile everyday for a year, right?  But you are realistic and know you're going to need a bit of a kick in the ass once in awhile to keep on schedule. Well you get stickK to be the leg propelling that kick and your hated charity is the boot on the foot making contact with your ass.

Let's say you decide you hate the National Rifle Association. You go to stickK.com, set things up and get down to the business of goal accomplishment. If you screw up and don't achieve your mile-a-day plan, not only will you feel like you've let yourself down for not accomplishing a goal you set for yourself, but also the hated NRA will have your money with your name attached to it. With that money they'll be pushing legislation you don't like, sending you crap in the mail, probably calling you to ask for more money, etc. Nobody wants that. So at some point in February when you wake up and you are a little hungover and you think about rolling over to get some additional sleep rather than going out for a mile jog in the cold, perhaps in the back of your mind you'll think about someone (maybe the ghost of Charlton Heston) at the NRA with a big smile on their face thanks to your donation and maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to drag you out to fulfill your daily obligation.

Self motivate or stickK motivate or go with some other method. The choice is yours.  Just be sure to motivate somehow.